Archeological Discoveries of Uncertain Provenance

For many thousands of years in the regions that are today called Southern California and Northwestern Mexico, those on four legs and those on two moved across the landscape with only natural barriers along their way. (I'm told the lives of our feathered friends are not all fun & games, but terrestrial impediments have never been among their concerns). Civilizations and various kinds of ball games rose and fell. The recent, extraordinary discoveries in the area have proved the wisdom of Professor George Harrison's observation, "If you don't know where you're going any road will take you there."

A SHOUTOUT: We have the diggers of foundations and the clean up crews of hoarders houses and some hungry racoons to thank for our new understandings of the past. For me personally it was the discovery of 20,000 year old vestigium sneakerus that left me wondering how long I had slept in History class.

Ancient rusted crown found in a drainage tunnel

The Queen's flight.

Archeological evidence proving that the ancient tale of Queen Barrista lll losing her crown when she escaped her wicked brother's soldiers through a never completed palace drainage tunnel is true. (The lion's share of critics believe this legend has never achieved widespread popularity due to the 48 rhymed chapters devoted to the tunnel's cost overruns).

"As evidence goes I'd say it's a slam dunk"--Professor Heny Hoozkow, Watersly Pollyteck

Excalibur on the round table lit by three arrows of sunlight

Excalibur on the round table at the stroke of noon, on the summer solstice.

"Ye shall know the true sword when three arrows of the sun are laid upon Avalon's fair table"

-Book XVIII, Verse 123, (from the possibly forged epic poem) Poltroons Upon the Heath

Viking ship uncovered in backyard garden.

Proof that medieval Vikings sailed in metal ships, arrived in Southern California long before Bud Grant, and were very very small (though still plenty fierce, for sure)

Combination axe, hammer, and club with small pots

Multipurpose iron age tool uncovered very near the largest unbroken pottery trove this side of the Pecos. After extensive study of the clay vessels' contents (residue of a fermented grain beverage) and capacity (very small), and the hameraxe (very big), archeologists now regard this find as iron clad proof that tool savvy giants once kept lots of tiny vikings (see above) supplied with beer.

Two bronze towers with mysterious inscription

Twin bronze runic towers, Rosarito, Mexico. Further evidence that Bronze Age Runes, or possibly neighboring Prunes, were in the Baja Peninsula at least 3,500 years ago. The inscription has only been partially deciphered but appears to be a complaint over a food delivery--thus pushing back the date of the first documented messed up delivery order in the Americas by about 1,000 years.

Old metal crown in the bed of a pickup truck

The stealing of antiquities is an ongoing problem: King Alwort's crown discovered in the back of a looter's pickup truck.

Old metal crown on the ground next to a shovel

King Alwort's crown in situ. (Note the small shovel used for discreetly stylish digging in all potentially royal excavations)

Genuine Victory at Samothrace statue, San Diego café

The genuine Winged Victory of Samothrace, discovered in the back of a San Diego coffee shop. So WHAT is on Count Daru's staircase?!?

Long thought to be mythical, the Headless Angel of Anaheim was discovered when workers were laying the foundation for a new drive through hamburger establishment. It was later determined to have been the site of the Duke of Belinsky's private chapel. Right around the window where you pay.

The dating of these footprints confirm the use of sneakers by the inhabitants of San Diego 20,000 years ago when area beaches were 87% liquid concrete.

Children&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;#x27;s handprints with colorful ceramic pieces in cement

Children's handprints, dated 48,000 BCE: the long held supposition that our ancient ancestors had children is confirmed at last